I knew it would be a little weird to graduate in December while all my friends were in school until May, but I don’t think I fully grasped how surreal it would feel.
May and June are distinctly marked by the feeling of “grad season” that floats in the air. Every grocery store you enter is full of celebratory cards and balloons shaped like tasseled caps, relatives hand out festive cards stuffed with cash, and moms decorate their car windows with cheesy phrases of congratulations.
In December, however, the year-end stressors of finals or Q4 Deadlines mixed with the brimming bustle of the Christmas season demand just about every inch of brain space. I have so much on my plate, that I barely even remember I’m graduating … how would I expect anyone else to?
The disconnect of the whole thing really hit me when I was home for Thanksgiving break. Whenever I heard myself tell someone I only had two weeks of college left, my brain seemed to be stuck on it… that couldn’t be right, could it? My friends and family members all seemed to feel the same way, a mix of surprise and confusion rippled through them before crescendoing into an entirely underwhelming reaction.
I should add that my early graduation is a bit different from others who choose to do the same, it wasn’t necessarily intentional. I checked Degree Works in September to realize that all my Major and Minor requirements were fulfilled… I didn’t have any classes left to take. Well, I remember thinking, I guess I’m graduating in December.
But the late revelation left me in sort of a weird position. My job offer doesn’t start until the summer and I have travel plans for most of May and June, so what am I supposed to do until I come back to walk that stage with my peers in May?
The concept of having a segment of my life that is unplanned is hard for me to digest. I could go anywhere, do anything, and fill that time with whatever I please… never have I stared in the face of so much freedom and so much possibility. I could work at a ski resort for the winter or embark on a cross-country road trip. I should be excited! But instead, I feel paralyzed.
It would help matters if I was able to digest the fact that I was actually graduating. Just like fall tells us it’s coming when the leaves begin to change color and spring announces its arrival when flower buds appear, we look for signs of what’s come around us in our own lives. That’s why the Christmas lights and Santa hats are causing me such cognitive dissonance, the air is full of holiday cheer, not rumblings of “congrats grads!”
Additionally, it begins to feel kind of strange to be around your friends. They discuss their plans for next semester and all the dates that have already been marked on their calendar thanks to the carefully structured existence of academia, meanwhile, I don’t even know what city I’ll be in a month from now. It’s isolating in a way, you don’t feel like you belong at college anymore but you also don’t feel as if you belong anywhere else yet.
When I mentally push all of this aside, I do find myself excited to graduate. I’m proud of my academic accomplishments and welcome the next phase of life with open arms. However, I do wish more people talked about the sense of incompleteness and separation you feel when you decide to graduate in December.
